I miss you

The words are so true and yet so inadequate. You are still my every thought, my first thought waking, my last thought going to sleep. I still see the world through your eyes first. I call it my Neville goggles. I still think first how would this decision impact you and then remember, not that I actually forgot but the fact that you should be here with me is just simply stronger than any so called reality. I miss absolutely everything about you, about us, about the life we built together. The last few days, I have especially missed making new treats for you. Always making sure that I had your morning treats, daily treats and bedtime treats made. I love coming up with new weight and pancreas friendly treats for you. And later diabetes friendly. Also creating these bulky treats really seemed to help satiate your Cushing’s driven cravings. You are a foodie through and through so the Cushing’s only added to your cravings, it didn’t create them. I miss coming up with new ways to create these treats for you and being so excited to see how you like it. Making a mental list of what worked, what you liked most, so I could improve with the next batch. I think you really enjoyed the variety too, something new to try and enjoy. Your nighttime treats are still in the freezer. I can’t bring myself to toss them. Your frozen peaches and green beans are still in the freezer too. I can’t eat either one without intense feelings. I largely avoid them. I avoid vegetables and fruit in general because they are ours.